“Fetish: Smash Taboos and Celebrate What Turns You On” by Niki Davis-Fainbloom opens with a rather cute story about the author meeting a man who always wanted to be carpet when he grew up. And as his sexuality developed, so did the kind of pleasure being carpet could provide. Davis-Fainbloom sees this man as hope for the future. Someone comfortable with themselves and their needs, open to sharing them, and safely finding a way to be a carpet up to 5 days a week.
This is what “Fetish” is all about, her goal is “to drag the topic of fetishes into the presence of polite company and have a conversation.” Davis-Fainbloom is a sex educator having received a master’s degree studying the psychology of sexual disfunction from NYU. She also studied sex therapy at Guelph University and the Kinsey Institute. So, right from the start, the conversation is in good hands.
“Fetish” is divided into 3 parts: Fetish Origins, Living with a Fetish, and Fetish Futurism.
The first part helps define what a fetish is, which according to the author it is, “an enduring erotic fascination with a specific body part, body action, object or experience. This object of desire is typically not regarded as sexual by most of the population. Fetishes often begin at a young age and exist on a spectrum – sometimes they function as one of many sources of arousal or heightened pleasure, and other times they become the central focus of desire.” I found this section to be the most fascinating, never realizing how varied the reason could be for someone to have a fetish, including our own genes! Along with her academic and real-world experiences, Davis-Fainbloom includes work from a 28 question qualitive survey of 263 people with fetishes. Most of the backstories these participants share show how diverse, and rather harmless, the origins of their fetishes were.
The second section, about living with a fetish, is interesting and well-written, however, not that useful unless you, or someone you’re in a relationship with, have a fetish. If you think you have a fetish, or your partner does, this is a MUST-READ section. No doubt. Honestly, this section could be useful to peruse if you have any kind of hang up you’d like to start to examine and work through. A book is no replacement for an in-person professional, but it is a great place to start.
What kind of book about fetishes could ignore the internet, let alone the encroachment of AI in the world? The third part, “Fetish Futurism” discusses the topic with nuance. Much like in everyone’s lives, there are upsides and downsides to AI, and the internet in general, particularly when dealing with fetishes. Despite the racy subject matter, the debate is much the same as parents have been having about their children, or Boomers about anyone younger than them; sure, AI is a great way to explore a fetish, but what about going out in the real world and connecting with real people? From this friction comes Davis-Fainbloom’s call for the future. We need to make the world more inclusive and safe for people with fetishes. Which by the end of “Fetish,” is a statement you’ll most likely agree with.
The word “fetish” carries a bit of baggage, enough that I wasn’t sure I wanted to share my review with the public. But the biggest takeaway from “Fetish” by Niki Davis-Fainbloom is we need to have a discussion, and it’s up to each of us to do our part.
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