Madonna Commands You to Dance

The producers are back! Producers have always been a key piece in the music manufacturing puzzle, but in my opinion the producers haven’t shone like stars, like they do now, since disco’s heyday. Again, in my opinion, I don’t think that’s entirely a coincidence. During the time of disco, large portions of the population wanted an escape, and the high energy light content music of disco filled that desire. Although many of the disco performers were talented vocalists in their own right, it was the music those vocals were over that people cared about, and soon the producers became viewed as the artist. It even reached the point were producers started cutting out the middle man and released their work with them as the performers.

I think it’s safe to say that again, large portions of our population would like to forget about all the crap going on and just dance, dance, dance. And again, as notable and talented as the artists may be, it’s the producers who are gaining the notoriety. Despite working with such talented, or questionably talented, women as Gwen Stefani, Nelly Furtado, and Britney Spears, the credit for their recent successes seems to be falling squarely on such producers as The Neptunes, Timbaland, and Justin Timberlake. All of whom worked with Madonna on her new album “Hard Candy”.

This album received a lot of hype from industry folks saying that Madonna is trying to capture the urban market. Long time fans, such as myself, will remember that when Madonna first came on the scene, in a time when radio airplay came first and music videos came second, many people thought that Madonna was a Black artist. There was genuine shock when they saw the videos for “Borderline” and “Lucky Star” that featured a spunky, slightly pudgy, and absolutely Caucasian woman dancing about. Madonna isn’t trying to capture the urban market; she’s trying to recapture it.

“Hard Candy” wants you to dance so much that what you hear is the absolutely most danceable options available. No real risks were taken (since I wasn’t shocked, annoyed, or concerned about her collaborations with hip hop producers) and no real intimacy was provided (like in her equally danceable, but decidedly electronic, offerings of “Ray of Light” and “Music”). Take the R&B/hip hop of top 100 radio, mix in some disco, add a dash of techno, and you have “Hard Candy”. That said, “Hard Candy” commands you to dance, and makes you want to obey.

The first single “4 Minutes” is the real stand out on the album. Not only is it one of the tracks that really captures the R&B sound of the moment, but it has a marching band loop in it! Let me state for the record that what R&B needs is MORE marching band! It was the reason I liked JC Chasez’s song “Blowin’ Me Up (With Her Love)”, and I love it here now. The other song I really like on “Hard Candy” is “Heartbeat”. It really takes the old school Madonna and rubs a little funk on it. It’s got the thump, it’s got a catchy melody, and it’s got Pharell’s patented heys in it. The rest of the album is an exercise in mainstream danceability. Not that it’s bad per say, it’s just not inspiring. Occasionally it strays a little too far into disco territory like on the song “She’s Not Me”, which is okay with me, but it’s probably a touch too disco for today’s top 100 listeners.

Madonna wants you to dance, even if it means sacrificing herself on the altar of the producer. Honor her noble sacrifice and shake that thang!

Enjoy “4 Minutes” below. I have to say, that yes, I know she has trainers, and stylists, and all that jazz, but this 50 year old woman is holding her own with a spry young Justin Timberlake. When they do a little undressing of each other at the end, it’s not creepy, just kind of hot. Not many 50 year olds can pull that off!

Konichiwa Bitches

One of my all time favorite things is a musician with nothing to lose. That’s when things get interesting. Are they going to fade into obscurity? Will they sell out, perhaps more than they already had? Or, when no one seems to give a crap about what they do, will they let loose? The first two appeal to my catty nature, but the third is my favorite. The third brought us the Rick Rubin produced Johnny Cash, LL Cool J’s “Mama Said Knock You Out”, and the topic of this blog, the latest Robyn cd.

For those of you unfamiliar with Robyn, she’s the bleached out Swedish chick who had moderate success in the 90s with the song “Show Me Love”, and then, she was gone. Now I don’t know the details, but her new album is on an independent label, that she started, which says to me, no one would touch her. I hope this album has her laughing all the way to the bank. So, you’re a failed Swedish dance star, how to you open up your new album? Please view the video below, it’s only about a minute long and it is exactly how this album begins.

Oh yeah, Robyn brings it, as the kids say. What does the new album sound like? Imagine the very best of 80s synth pop, with the edge of hip hop, performed by a petite Swedish woman. It’s that messed up awesome and more! On the 80s edge, she takes all the 80s pop clichés and makes them classic. Complete with 80s style music videos, several songs have a very Cyndi Lauperish vibe to them, and yes, even a spoken word break down in the middle of the love song. It’s all there, but done with a sense of intelligence that doesn’t make them corny, just really good.

How does that get a hip hop edge, you ask? Well, first she’s got her patented 80s “white girl rap” called “Konichiwa Bitches”. This out JJ Fads JJ Fad! It buries “Fergilious”. You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you? Also, she takes techo pop and laces it with aggressive lyrics, my favorite example is the song “Handle Me”. Imagine a delicate female vocal in a pop song use the phrase “But you’re a selfish narcissistic psycho freaking bootlicking nazi creep.” Now you begin to understand the glory that is Robyn.

Here is one of my favorite songs “Be Mine”. It sounds a little like Cyndi Lauper, has the total 80s style video, and yes, the patented spoken word section. Enjoy!

It’s Miss Jackson, Because I’m Nasty

For those of you just tuning in, my last blog was about the latest Britney Spear’s album “Blackout”. In the process of discussing the album I spent a bunch of time discussing Janet Jackson and the effects of her album “Janet”. In the interest of being fair and balanced (making me better than just about any news media outlet) I thought I should share my thoughts about the new Janet Jackson album “Discipline”.

Here’s the thing, every Janet Jackson album since “Control” has had a theme of some sort. “Control” was about asserting control over her life. My last blog talked about the “Janet” album at length, but essentially it was an empowered declaration of her sexuality. Unfortunately since that album there has been a theme of, I’m not just a sexual creature, I’m a freak. She’s a Jackson…I shouldn’t be shocked. There was the awkward “Velvet Rope” album and don’t even ask about “Damita Jo”.

This begs the question, what is the theme of “Discipline”? As I told my husband, I’m a bit confused. At first I thought it was Janet Jackson is a femme bot, but then I began to think it was Janet Jackson wants to be Barry White. My ever helpful husband suggested the theme was Janet wants to be a Barry bot. I think Rolling Stone magazine made a clever point in their review when they mentioned that Jackson’s voice was ultra digitized so when she busted out the sex talk no one would consider the idea that Jackson does those things with her fugly boyfriend, or is he a husband, Jermaine Dupre. Good plan.

Despite its S&M-esque cover art, title, and breathy interludes, this album is more sexy, like “Janet”, and less freak, like everything since. The first single, skip the video, “Feedback” is the best song on the disc. Honestly, I like all the mid-tempo and dance songs on the album. Like Britney, Janet doesn’t have an awesome voice. Her voice is suited for dance music, upbeat songs that have as much to do about production as vocal talent. I’ve never been a fan of Janet Jackson ballads, and this album doesn’t change that. In fact, it would have been nice if she had packaged the album like they did “Janet”, where the first half of the disc was all the dance music and the second half was all the slow jams. It would save me from skipping around so much.

Song for song this album is way better than Britney’s last effort. In the grand scheme of Janet Jackson albums, it’s not as good as the holy trinity of “Control”, “Rhythm Nation 1814”, and “Janet”, but it is the best album since then. Easily surpassing the four albums since “Janet” in 1993.

It’s Britney Bitches!

It seems to me the game plan for Britney Spear’s latest album “Blackout” was, channel Janet Jackson. It’s not a bad idea. Britney and Janet are very similar. Neither are stellar singers, they’re both about a package. Sexy female singer with awesome choreography. Like other misguided female artists before her, Britney (or her people) chose the wrong version of Janet to emulate. Britney was in the perfect place to recreate the excitement of Janet Jackson’s “Control” album. You know, “This is a story about control. Control of what I say. Control of what I do. And this time, I’m going to do it my way.” But no, oh no, again we have to witness a female pop tart tragically struggle to achieve the “Janet” album…and not hit the mark.

Everyone knows the “Janet” album, even if you think you don’t. It’s the album with the cover picture of Janet topless with a man’s hands covering her breasts. It’s a masterpiece album, littered with intelligent, danceable songs filled with subtle and not so subtle sexuality. In the recent past we’ve witnessed two women attempt the Janet reinvention with variable success. There was Christina Aguilera with her “Stripped” album, where she introduced the world to her alter ego X-tina. Of course, a big difference here is that Aguilera can sing, the woman has a power house voice. So even though the “Stripped” album was a hollow shell compared to the “Janet” album, she came out the other side okay. Then there is Nelly Furtado, an insanely talented singer/songwriter who had experienced moderate success, who decided to sex up her music and image, and now is a top 40 darling. Yes, her album “Loose” is successful, but it didn’t have the organic eventuality that the “Janet” album had. First Janet released “Control”, an album where she took the reigns of her destiny. Then was “Rhythm Nation 1814” where she introduced a legion of pop radio listeners to the concept of social consciousness, including yours truly. By the time “Janet” came out, Janet was a whole woman, so although shocking to some, “Janet” seemed like a natural progression, not a ploy to reinvent herself or to cause controversy.

There is nothing natural about “Blackout”. Now I don’t know who to blame, Britney, her people, her label, I just don’t know. The album is a fairly adequate dance/R&B album. The production values are fantastic, and you can tap your toe to every song. But who do I complain to that every freakin’ song on there is about sex? And not in a way that gets you hot, and not in a way that’s smart, but in a way that says “Please say you love me…I’ll put out.” Her first sing “Gimme More” does make some clever allusions to the idea that media attention prods her to make a spectacle of herself. I wouldn’t be so bitter about this album if there wasn’t this one bright shining example of opportunities missed….”Piece of Me”.

Britney didn’t help with the lyrics, but they sound like she could have. It’s a confrontational war anthem. It’s Janet’s “Control”. This should have been the first single, not the second. The video should have been tighter and more aggressive than it was. And “Piece of Me” should have been the inspiration for the rest of the album. Seriously, why couldn’t they have talked to Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, the architects of “Control”? “Piece of Me”, in my opinion is Britney’s best song ever, and a fantastic song when put up against other pop/R&B tunes. If only she had picked the right Janet…..

Freeze! It’s the Vice Squad! Part 2: The Rap Edition

Recently we discussed Iran’s new, improved, and super charged vice squad.  It appeared, at first glance, it was more about fashion than morality, with the targeting of those racy Iranian women who wore make-up or showed off some hot ankle.  Now Iran is learning what pop culture junkies here in America have known forever, fashion and music go hand in hand.  So while those feisty ladies have been rebelling in fitted jackets, the disenfranchised male youth of Tehran have turned to a musical culture founded on the struggle of impoverished youth battling against authority…that’s right, hip hop.
 
The use of profanity has made rap music the latest cultural endeavor to end up in Iran’s vice police cross hairs.  As those of us “old school” rap fans here in America know, sure, the swears words concern Iran, but the anti-authority, revolution inspiring themes, are what is really causing the Culture and Islamic Guidance Ministry to crackdown on the genre.  According to Mohammad Dashtgoli, the official for music at the Ministry, as quoted in a Breitbart.com article, “Illegal studios producing this type of music will be sealed and the singers in the genre will be confronted.”  He also states that “a large number of illegal rap singers have been already identified.”
 
Can you imagine an America where Public Enemy not only had to struggle with the conditions of their communities, but also with the sticky wicket of getting arrested for expressing their concerns musically?  “Fight the Power” indeed.  I don’t even want to imagine what would have happened if N.W.A. released their classic track “F*** the Police” in Iran.  But, don’t despair, just like the rap hustlers of the early 80’s discovered, there is always a way to get the music out to those who want it.  There is a brisk black market trade of rap albums in Iran.
 
Iran has cause for concern.  This is a symptom of a greater disease for their government.  Iran is coming down with a bad case of democracy. 
 
On a related, but unrelated note.  To the American public:  Let musicians express themselves however they want to in their music.  You don’t like an artist’s language or message, don’t buy their music.  If I ever, ever, hear another round of politicians suggesting that there must be a way to quasi legislate an answer to the fact that rappers use the n word and call women hos I will be forced to take drastic action.  In an effort to not incriminate myself, I will just say that it will probably involve Al Sharpton and a pair of hair shears.

The Fes Festival is Cool

When we decided to add a blog to The Magical Buffet’s website, the idea was that it would end up being this kind of fluffy thing where I would spend time going, “Isn’t this thing cool?”  Instead, I’ve somehow ended up spending time learning about Roman Catholic Canon Law, discussing the misrepresentation of Wicca, and most recently, trying to wrap my brain around the Malaysian Constitution.  Which is why I was concerned when I decided I wanted to write about the Fes Festival that recently took place.
 
I told Jim, I want to write about this festival, but all I really have to say about it is that it is really cool.  Shouldn’t there be more?  He assured me that it was okay to just write about something because it was cool, so here we go.
 
The 13th annual Fes Festival of World Sacred Music took place June 1 to the June 10 of this year.  If you’re like me, you’ve never heard of this thing, and if you’re like me, the more you learn the more you wish you could go. 
 
After the Gulf War, two Islamic scholars decided to start an interfaith music festival in Morocco to promote peace.  It is held each year in Fez, a medieval city over 1000 years old.  Performers from around the world gather in Fez to share their music, making it a cultural melting pot of races and faiths. 
 
2007 marks the 800th anniversary of the Islamic sage and poet Jalaluddin Rumi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jalaluddin_Rumi) so various concerts and rituals throughout the festival were in celebration of Rumi and his teachings.  The free concerts included, Latefa Raefat (Morocco), Majda Yahyaqui (a female Moroccan artist performing malhoun music, which is typically done by men), Said Bey (who performs rai and malhoun blended with funky bits of flamenco and salsa), Amarg Fusion (This group is a symbol of Amazigh culture), the London Community Gospel Choir, Johnny Clegg (“Zulu Rock”, which is African song with electric guitar), Elias Karam (Syrian performer), and obviously many more.
 
It’s not just music; they also host “Fes Encounters”, where politicians, activists, and academics are brought together to discuss urgent issues.  Past topics have been conflict resolution, climate change, social justice, and urban renewal.  This year they discussed cultural diversity versus globalization and the relationship between faith and reason.  They broke them down into 3 days.  Day one, “Our cultural identities vs. globalization.”  Day two, “Our heritage cities: reflections of an ancient world or an imaginative resource for the future?”  And day three, “Our beliefs and our reason put to the test in the new world.”
 
Oh, and all of this is taking place in a country where 98.7% of the population are Muslim.  (1.1% are Christian and 0.2% are Jewish, in case you were curious)  That is right, an Islamic culture is not only hosting these festivals, they came up with the idea in the first place.  In my opinion, the Fes Festival proves that there is room for everyone in the world, regardless of faith.  That is why I am writing this blog, because the Fes Festival is cool.
 
Want to learn more, visit their website: www.fesfestival.com, just be sure when you get there you click on the English option, unless you speak French or Arabic!
 
Want to learn even more?  Well, I could go next year and write about it that way you would hear about it first hand.  Make checks payable to Rebecca Elson.  I’ll be sure to send you a postcard!

Ten Questions with a New Age Musician

1. So why New Age music? Doesn’t everyone want to be a rock star?
Well, I wanted to be a rock star when I was 15, but astronaut, Don Juan, and supreme ruler and overlord of the universe were also on this practically minded short list. New Age music makes me feel better, more relaxed and centered, happy and joyful in a constant way.

2. Your 2002 album “Balancing Spheres” dealt in night illusions and day dreams, your 2005 album “Phos Hilaron” incorporated chanted hymns with ambient New Age soundscapes, and your most recent album, 2006’s “Gnosis” was heavily influenced by Greece. How did you get to all of those very different places with your music?
I love to travel to exotic worlds in my music and my life, creating soundtracks for private and mysterious movies in my mind and heart – It’s important for me to explore new ground and take chances – My Two ’07 albums coming in July and September are also worlds I have never explored before – OM chanting and the deep heart of the Middle East.

3. I love the track “Know Thy Self” from your album “Gnosis.” Is that your voice on it?
My favorite track on GNOSIS! The lead voice is a Greek Orthodox Cantor, Antonios Paravalos. I am singing in the Greek 🙂 choir along with Christine Yandell.

4. I’m going to ask you a question guaranteed to triple the number of hits the Round Sky website gets. Is that you nude in the slide show to promote the album “Gnosis”? (Ladies, click here.)
Yes. And even better, this was taken on the beach near my house on a Greek Island and I am single 🙂

If you liked that, then please enjoy this photo from my album, Muse of the Round Sky.

Paul Avgerinos

5. What is the significance of the title “Phos Hilaron”?
Phos Hilaron is one of the oldest known Christian Hymns dating back to the Second Century. Sung by the Christians in the catacombs of Rome, it means Hilarious or Gladdening Light -The pure light of God which fills us with Bliss and Joy.

6. What is in your CD player right now?
Jim Cole, Harmonic Singer extraordinaire, Rachmoninov Vespers & Piano Concertos, Tomita Snowflakes are Dancing (electronic Debussy)

7. What do you feel is the biggest misconception, if there is any, about New Age artists?
New Age has a bit of a bad rap for being just sleepy hippy music, but there are some great albums and serious artists if you take the time to sift through the rubbish.

8. Yanni or Zamfir?
I actually like some of Yanni’s work, like the romantic collections.

9. The Round Sky website says, “These Ambient New Age albums are perfect for the Holistic Arts of Massage, Meditation, Yoga, Reiki, Tai Chi, Pilates and Healing of all kinds and more…” Is there one of those things, or something else that you feel your music is better suited for?
VERY Loooooooonnnnnnngggggggggg Tantric Sex sessions . . .

10. Parting shot! Ask us here at The Magical Buffet any one question?
If you could have only one dish at the buffet, which would it be?

Mash potatoes and gravy. No question.

About the Artist

When Paul Avgerinos graduated from the Peabody Conservatory of Music in 1980, as a full scholarship honors student, he had already performed as a bassist with Isaac Stern, Jean Pierre Rampal, The Beaux Arts Trio, Baryshnikov and many other great classical artists. He also has won scholarships to play and study at music festivals in Tanglewood, Aspen, Grand Teton, Taos, and Spoleto (Italy). After graduation, Paul served as principal bass of several major symphony orchestras around the world, and gave solo recitals as well.
Expanding into more popular genres, Avgerinos toured as a bassist with Charles Aznavour, Liza Minelli, and the jazz legend Buddy Rich. Seeking to further his original composition and develop his childhood passion for electronic music, Paul built Studio Unicorn, a comprehensive digital/analog recording studio, in 1984. Eight solo CDs in the New Age genre followed, including Muse of the Round Sky on the Hearts of Space label. Muse was nominated for a Grammy and is played on more than 2,000 radio stations around the world in addition to syndicated shows such as Music from the Hearts of Space and John Diliberto’s Echoes. Two thirty minute features with the latter are added to his credits along with his many other radio interviews. Paul’s music is currently being played on Sirius & XM Satellite radio as well as Music Choice Cable . He has appeared on fourteen sampler CDs and as a guest artist on albums by Joanie Madden, Faruk Tekbilek, Joaquin Lievano, Brian Keane and others. Paul records and produces many popular albums as well and has worked with artists as diverse as Jewel, Richie Havens, Run DMC, and the Celtic Tenors . Avgerinos always makes time for scoring and has worked on over fifty film, TV, and cable projects for HBO, PBS, and Lifetime, among others. Paul’s work on Peter Kater’s Red Moon earned A 2004 Grammy Nomination. Paul’s new album GNOSIS placed #1 on the New Age & World Radio Chart ! Keeping busy creating original music for a variety of interesting and rewarding projects is a way of life.
Currently, he lives and works in Redding, Connecticut, where the deer pass by his studio windows and the hawks and eagles give inspiration from above.
To learn more about Paul go to www.roundskymusic.com or www.studiounicorn.net

Where Have You Gone Tanya Pointer?

So who is Tanya Pointer? She is the woman who called herself Nonchalant and in the late 90s released the song “5 O’Clock”. It’s a favorite tune of mine and it’s on my mix cd “Acts of Female Aggression” that I have been listening to again. Forgive me if I don’t have the lyrics dead on.

It’s really real, when I feel the way that do right now
I see all my brothers underground
Pushing up daisies, man, it amazes me
That you can’t see where you’re gonna be
A statistic, everybody’s gone cold ballistic
If you had a good day, damn, I must have missed it
Cause you mad at the Universe, going to hell with everybody else
Cause you want your own first
I got the urge to let you in on a little secret
Cause you keep dying to keep it
All the killing that you’re feeling is from within
For the copper check the color of you skin
Why lie? I couldn’t try even if I had to
Born with the bullet-proof vest when I had you
A black woman trying to get through to the few
So you can lead the next crew

Well Mr. Black Man tell me where you’re heading
The last few years I watched while you were shedding
Pounds and pounds off of the growth of population
Soon we won’t be able to have a strong black nation
A shooting here, a stabbing there, will it ever stop
Cause now you’re dying from the dose of the crack rock
I’m just a Nubian Queen that needs a king to stand strong
And try to press on
It’s not a white man’s finger on the trigger
Car-jacks, drive-by’s, calling each other “nigga”
I’m not here to scold but rather shape and mold
A young black mind that won’t live to grow old
Cause you’re fronting, smoking on the blunt and
Down with your friends cause you think you’re making ends,
But you’re not
And it’s the truth of the matter
Your brother is getting skinny cause you want your pockets fatter

Tanya Pointer, aka Nonchalant, lived in Washington, D.C. Early every morning she would head into work and the streets would be empty except for her heading in, and the drug dealers and their buyers. She wrote “5 O’Clock” in response to that. It peaked at #24 on the Billboard’s Hot 100. It also set the stage for D.C. to have its own rap identity. Then, she was gone.

Driving into work the other day I heard this song and started to wonder, where is Tanya now? What is she doing? Does she still feel the same way she did as when she wrote “5 O’Clock”?

What appeals to me about this song is its lyrics. They’re clever, and very rarely does she cross over into preachy. Nonchalant assumed that her listeners were smart enough to grasp the larger message. Between verses two male rappers have says. They open with “Why should I do right and suffer?” I’m sure the mind set of many of the dealers she saw every morning. They ask who is she, because see he’s a big man, and the other male rapper confirms that the former is a big man. Nonchalant counters with what she feels “is the truth of the matter, that your brother is getting skinny cause you want your pockets fatter.” Tanya presumes that her listeners know why that line answers the question of why should I do right and suffer. Because those who profit from the destruction of others can’t ever truly be the heroes of the drama.

With incredibly smart turns of phrase, such as “I got the urge to let you in on a little secret, cause you keep dying to keep it” and “born with a bullet proof vest when I had you”, Nonchalant created an important contribution to the hip hop community. She let her listeners clearly see what life was like in Washington, D.C. and expressed her outrage, desperation, and dismay at a community that couldn’t seem to see what she did. Nonchalant challenged her listeners to strive for more, with a good flow. “5 O’Clock” is what rap music is supposed to be. So I ask again, where have you gone Tanya Pointer?

Exorcising Some Musical Demons

At work the other day I’m listening to a web radio station when John Mayer’s “Your Body is a Wonderland” comes on. I immediately hit the skip button on the player to go to the next song. My boss kind of looks at me and I say “I can’t stand Mayer. He can go to hell.” My boss is used to this kind of random and irrational behavior on my part so I follow up with, “You know who else can go straight to hell? Fred Durst.” “You have quite the list over there, don’t you?” my boss asks. To which I respond, “A little over six years in music retail? Heck yeah I have a list.” That’s when it occurred to me that it’s time to purge my pent up musical frustrations, exorcise my demons, and maybe, just maybe move on with my life. So here is my long and winding (and whining) list of grievances, justifications, and perhaps a few props from my years in music retail.

First, I feel I should clarify, when I say that someone should go to hell, I don’t mean it literally. I don’t believe in hell. I’m just using it as a way to sum up the concept that I feel they should be recognized for annoying me in some very real way. Enjoy!

A person that definitely should not go to hell, but should be mentioned with a serious strike against her is Madonna. I love Madonna, but you don’t, I repeat, you DO NOT cover the song “American Pie.” And if, for some reason that I cannot divine, you do cover this absolute classic song, you do not turn it into a lullaby for some damn movie you’re in. “American Pie” was why God gave us Don McLean, leave his song alone!

Fred Durst, leave Pink Floyd’s music alone! I’m Fred Durst, I’m going to cover “Wish You Were Here” but I’m going to change…that’s right, CHANGE, some of the words to turn it into a tribute. Screw you Durst, Elton John (and Bernie Taupin) managed to write “Candle in the Wind” and he’ll drag that sucker out for any tragedy and not have to change a damn word. Learn to write a song. Oh, and honestly, he could go to hell anyway pretty much for existing. But don’t worry, the other members of Limp Bizkit are totally off the hook. Satan just wants Durst.

Ah, Bob Carlise’s “Butterfly Kisses.” What a sweet tribute to a father watching his daughter grow up. It brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it? Of course it does, he pulls on all the heart strings. Perhaps that’s why it seems that every woman uses that song for their father daughter dance at their wedding. Now I’m not saying that the song isn’t appropriate, but what I want to stress is that it seems EVERY woman picks that song. When a woman would come in and ask for that album for her wedding I would think to myself, so you and your father have absolutely no common bond, no shared memories, no personal connection. So instead of picking something personal, you’re going to borrow Carlise’s sappy song to compensate for that. Me, I used Paul Simon’s “Still Crazy After All These Years.” So, um, bite me.

The lead singer of Creed, Scott Stapp, he and his I’m Jesus fixation can seriously go to hell….much the route of his career, thank you Lord. It was hard for me to realize that this guy needed to go to hell because “My Own Prison” is one of the best songs ever, but all that standing around with the arms out, ego ballooned up nice and big…he gets to go to hell.

Come on people, what the hell does Juliette Lewis have to do to get her second album released in the U.S.? The first Juliette and the Licks album kicked ass! If there is room at your local music store for Dogstar (Keanu Reeves), 30 Odd Foot of Grunt (Russell Crowe), and the Bacon Brothers (Kevin Bacon, and not too bad actually), there can certainly be a little space for the follow up to one of the best chick rock albums, strike that, best rock albums of 2005.

It’s a long story, but the lead singer of Live, can go to hell. I paid to see a concert, not listen to you ramble on and on while the band I’m waiting to see is stuck in back waiting for you to SHUT THE HELL UP!

And how is it I’m the only person who loves the song “Lapdance” by N.E.R.D.? It compares politicians to strippers, has a rap that cleverly involves the word cockpit, and they totally rubbed some funk on it! Someone, please, buy the album “In Search of….” It’s good…really.

This brings us to John Mayer. Why oh why Rebecca would you have anything bad to say about Mayer? (Pausing to take a deep breath.) Let me start with there may be something wrong with me as a woman. I can’t style my hair. I didn’t care for the movie “Titanic”. And, I would love to punch John Mayer in the face. That damn song “Your Body is a Wonderland.” You know what John, I know my body isn’t a wonderland (for those of you curious, I would say Jenna Jameson’s body is a wonderland), so stuff it. I have heard my share of “I wanna get laid” music but for some reason this one offends me to my very core. Maybe it’s because I’m not right as a woman, but a song like “Because I Want You” by Placebo, or “Washin and Wonderin” by Stroke 9 would be more likely to make me drop my pants for a guy than that steamin’ pile bull crap. I mean, it’s working on Jessica Simpson…JESSICA SIMPSON! I’m smarter than THAT, right?

So there you have it, love it or hate it, I feel a little better for the sharing. Who knows, perhaps one day I’ll amuse you with the story of why “Our Lady Peace” can go to hell. Or, how the Scissor Sisters absolutely SHOULDN’T go to hell for covering “Comfortably Numb”. Until then, I’m going to enjoy the feeling of a heavy load having been lifted from my shoulders.

Placebo “Meds”

Contemporary wisdom states that one should not buy an entire album for one song. When I can get a song for 99 cents on iTunes, why take the risk? Let me tell you, sometimes the risk pays off.

I recently purchased the new cd Meds by Placebo. Their single Infra Red has been getting some radio (yes, I listen to an honest to goodness radio station, WEQX, one of the last great independent stations) air play and it’s got this awesome bridge that just echoed in my mind until I abandoned all reason and bought the whole album just to relieve the pressure on my brain. What a fantastic album!

It’s a straight-ahead rock album that has been anointed in the sacred oils of the 80’s New Wave/Goth movement. Unlike many new artists that make their career out of waving the 80’s banner (The Bravery and The Killers coming to mind first), Placebo’s album is honestly influenced but not dictated by the likes of Modern English and New Order. When listening to the album visions of beautiful boys with heavy black eyeliner dance in the back of your mind. If you’re of a similar mind as myself, you might feel tempted to break out the Molly Ringwald Breakfast Club dance…and I mean that as a the highest of compliments.

Enough with the tone or mood, what is the album like? Great. The opening track is a driving pulsing rock tune called Meds which leads straight into Infra Red with its awesome bridge “Someone call the ambulance, there’s going to be an accident”. There is the fabulous Because I Want You, a great dark meets pop sensibility. The haunting 80’s echo in Follow the Cops Back Home resonates in the listener’s mind. Let me just say that this album displays a mastery of the bridge. The bridge is the part of the song that leads into the chorus. Every song has the best damn bridge! Overall, it is an enjoyable album from beginning to end. Not a single track that I feel obligated to skip and I have been playing the album from track one to thirteen for 72 hours straight at this point!

Check out the music video below to hear the track that caused my obsession!


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