At work the other day I\u2019m listening to a web radio station when John Mayer\u2019s \u201cYour Body is a Wonderland\u201d comes on. I immediately hit the skip button on the player to go to the next song. My boss kind of looks at me and I say \u201cI can\u2019t stand Mayer. He can go to hell.\u201d My boss is used to this kind of random and irrational behavior on my part so I follow up with, \u201cYou know who else can go straight to hell? Fred Durst.\u201d \u201cYou have quite the list over there, don\u2019t you?\u201d my boss asks. To which I respond, \u201cA little over six years in music retail? Heck yeah I have a list.\u201d That\u2019s when it occurred to me that it\u2019s time to purge my pent up musical frustrations, exorcise my demons, and maybe, just maybe move on with my life. So here is my long and winding (and whining) list of grievances, justifications, and perhaps a few props from my years in music retail.<\/p>\n
First, I feel I should clarify, when I say that someone should go to hell, I don\u2019t mean it literally. I don\u2019t believe in hell. I\u2019m just using it as a way to sum up the concept that I feel they should be recognized for annoying me in some very real way. Enjoy!<\/p>\n
A person that definitely should not go to hell, but should be mentioned with a serious strike against her is Madonna. I love Madonna, but you don\u2019t, I repeat, you DO NOT cover the song \u201cAmerican Pie.\u201d And if, for some reason that I cannot divine, you do cover this absolute classic song, you do not turn it into a lullaby for some damn movie you\u2019re in. \u201cAmerican Pie\u201d was why God gave us Don McLean, leave his song alone!<\/p>\n
Fred Durst, leave Pink Floyd\u2019s music alone! I\u2019m Fred Durst, I\u2019m going to cover \u201cWish You Were Here\u201d but I\u2019m going to change\u2026that\u2019s right, CHANGE, some of the words to turn it into a tribute. Screw you Durst, Elton John (and Bernie Taupin) managed to write \u201cCandle in the Wind\u201d and he\u2019ll drag that sucker out for any tragedy and not have to change a damn word. Learn to write a song. Oh, and honestly, he could go to hell anyway pretty much for existing. But don\u2019t worry, the other members of Limp Bizkit are totally off the hook. Satan just wants Durst.<\/p>\n
Ah, Bob Carlise\u2019s \u201cButterfly Kisses.\u201d What a sweet tribute to a father watching his daughter grow up. It brings a tear to your eye, doesn\u2019t it? Of course it does, he pulls on all the heart strings. Perhaps that\u2019s why it seems that every woman uses that song for their father daughter dance at their wedding. Now I\u2019m not saying that the song isn\u2019t appropriate, but what I want to stress is that it seems EVERY woman picks that song. When a woman would come in and ask for that album for her wedding I would think to myself, so you and your father have absolutely no common bond, no shared memories, no personal connection. So instead of picking something personal, you\u2019re going to borrow Carlise\u2019s sappy song to compensate for that. Me, I used Paul Simon\u2019s \u201cStill Crazy After All These Years.\u201d So, um, bite me.<\/p>\n
The lead singer of Creed, Scott Stapp, he and his I\u2019m Jesus fixation can seriously go to hell\u2026.much the route of his career, thank you Lord. It was hard for me to realize that this guy needed to go to hell because \u201cMy Own Prison\u201d is one of the best songs ever, but all that standing around with the arms out, ego ballooned up nice and big\u2026he gets to go to hell.<\/p>\n
Come on people, what the hell does Juliette Lewis have to do to get her second album released in the U.S.? The first Juliette and the Licks album kicked ass! If there is room at your local music store for Dogstar (Keanu Reeves), 30 Odd Foot of Grunt (Russell Crowe), and the Bacon Brothers (Kevin Bacon, and not too bad actually), there can certainly be a little space for the follow up to one of the best chick rock albums, strike that, best rock albums of 2005.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a long story, but the lead singer of Live, can go to hell. I paid to see a concert, not listen to you ramble on and on while the band I\u2019m waiting to see is stuck in back waiting for you to SHUT THE HELL UP!<\/p>\n
And how is it I\u2019m the only person who loves the song \u201cLapdance\u201d by N.E.R.D.? It compares politicians to strippers, has a rap that cleverly involves the word cockpit, and they totally rubbed some funk on it! Someone, please, buy the album \u201cIn Search of\u2026.\u201d It\u2019s good\u2026really.<\/p>\n
This brings us to John Mayer. Why oh why Rebecca would you have anything bad to say about Mayer? (Pausing to take a deep breath.) Let me start with there may be something wrong with me as a woman. I can\u2019t style my hair. I didn\u2019t care for the movie \u201cTitanic\u201d. And, I would love to punch John Mayer in the face. That damn song \u201cYour Body is a Wonderland.\u201d You know what John, I know my body isn\u2019t a wonderland (for those of you curious, I would say Jenna Jameson\u2019s body is a wonderland), so stuff it. I have heard my share of \u201cI wanna get laid\u201d music but for some reason this one offends me to my very core. Maybe it\u2019s because I\u2019m not right as a woman, but a song like \u201cBecause I Want You\u201d by Placebo, or \u201cWashin and Wonderin\u201d by Stroke 9 would be more likely to make me drop my pants for a guy than that steamin\u2019 pile bull crap. I mean, it\u2019s working on Jessica Simpson\u2026JESSICA SIMPSON! I\u2019m smarter than THAT, right?<\/p>\n
So there you have it, love it or hate it, I feel a little better for the sharing. Who knows, perhaps one day I\u2019ll amuse you with the story of why \u201cOur Lady Peace\u201d can go to hell. Or, how the Scissor Sisters absolutely SHOULDN\u2019T go to hell for covering \u201cComfortably Numb\u201d. Until then, I\u2019m going to enjoy the feeling of a heavy load having been lifted from my shoulders.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Rebecca vents her musical frustrations.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[18,27],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=39"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=39"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=39"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=39"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}