{"id":18839,"date":"2022-10-13T16:26:32","date_gmt":"2022-10-13T21:26:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/?p=18839"},"modified":"2022-10-13T16:26:32","modified_gmt":"2022-10-13T21:26:32","slug":"tuesdays-in-jail","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/themagicalbuffet.com\/blog1\/?p=18839","title":{"rendered":"Tuesdays in Jail"},"content":{"rendered":"

$\"\"$ This is an excerpt from the incredibly moving book “Tuesdays in Jail: What I Learned Teaching Journaling to Inmates” by Tina Welling.<\/em><\/p>\n

What do you want me to do with this?\u201d Phillip asked me and nodded to the journal I\u2019d passed to an officer to give him.<\/p>\n

Phillip looked to be in his late thirties, healthy, strong, very attentive, and nicely mannered. Called me ma\u2019am. But I saw something behind those hazel eyes. Chaotic mind spins, I suspected, that kept his thoughts circling like hungry coyotes around an injured elk. He came down to meet with me alone from being locked up in a maximum-security cell. He was still locked up, but so was I, since we each sat in a separate locked-down room divided by a grate. This is typically the way I meet with maximum security inmates when I conduct my weekly journaling workshops at my local county jail.<\/p>\n

I told him that the journal was his, adding that no one in my seven years had ever had a journal taken away from them or read by anyone.\u202f\u200a\u201cHowever,\u201d I said, \u201cdon\u2019t incriminate yourself.\u201d I explained that journaling was all about the inner life \u2014 thoughts, emotions, memories, dreams, fears, and hopes. I said, \u201cWrite about that.\u201d<\/p>\n

I suggested we do a quick exercise, my old standby for when I had no clues yet about what an inmate needed.\u202f\u200a\u201cName three people you admire and enjoy.\u202f\u200aThey can be real people or movie or book characters, dead or alive, family members or strangers.\u201d Next I asked him to write down the qualities he admired about these people. I gave him a few minutes, and then I asked about his list.\u202f\u200a\u201cDid you come up with three people?\u201d<\/p>\n

Phillip said, \u201cYes, ma\u2019am. I put down my uncle, my older brother, and my grandfather.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what did you put down for the characteristics you admire in them?\u201d<\/p>\n

Phillip read from his journal.\u202f\u200a\u201cHonesty, trustworthiness, hardworking, fun to be around, kind, intelligent, interesting, real likable. Ma\u2019am.\u201d <\/p>\n

I said, \u201cAll those qualities belong to you too, Phillip, or at least the potential for them, the seed of them, otherwise you wouldn\u2019t be able to recognize them in others.\u201d <\/p>\n

He looked stunned. <\/p>\n

His eyes glistened.<\/p>\n

Then a faint smile.\u202f\u200aThen the smile grew bigger and Phillip got excited. He dropped the \u201cyes, ma\u2019ams.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cDude, you don\u2019t know what you just did for me. Dude, you don\u2019t know what you just said. Aw, dude.\u201d<\/p>\n

He blinked back tears.<\/p>\n

I blinked back mine.<\/p>\n

\u201cI talk shit to myself. I\u2019m up there in that crummy cell all alone and I tell myself what a piece of crap I am and I just want to\u200a\u200a\u2026\u200a\u200ayou know.\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know. But after he told me his older brother was his idol and that he had committed suicide this past year, I guessed I did know. But this moment felt as if a skinny beam of light was shining into deep darkness.<\/p>\n

I assigned Phillip homework.\u202f\u200a\u201cThis week fill a couple of pages in your journal with a list of your good qualities. And then you\u2019ll have this to remind yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Our time was up.<\/p>\n

Why were we all so hard on ourselves, so quick to absorb blame, feel shame, head for the lowest possible judgment of ourselves? I was guilty of this.\u202f\u200aThe first hint of an edgy relationship, and I\u2019m all over myself like ants on a picnic crumb, devouring my actions and words, finding fault in both. I used the harshest language on myself, set higher standards for my actions than for anyone else\u2019s. It could take a long time of self-recrimination for me to realize who I was at heart, to revive trust in my worthiness.<\/p>\n

I like to tell the inmates a story I heard from my meditation teacher about a time when the Dalai Lama met with a large group of American Buddhist teachers who had gathered in Dharamsala, India.<\/p>\n

The Dalai Lama asked, \u201cWhat is the biggest issue for American spiritual seekers?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Buddhist teachers said, \u201cSelf-esteem.\u201d<\/p>\n

But the Dalai Lama didn\u2019t understand what the term meant.<\/p>\n

The Americans tried to translate it for him. After several attempts to explain, one teacher said, \u201cThey don\u2019t love themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

And the Dalai Lama cried.<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ About Tina Welling:<\/strong>
\nTina Welling is the author of Tuesdays in Jail: What I Learned Teaching Journaling to Inmates. She also wrote four other books, as well as nonfiction that has appeared in national magazines and seven anthologies. The recipient of a Wyoming Arts Council writing fellowship, she has been conducting her Writing Wild workshops for ten years. Visit her online at http:\/\/www.tinawelling.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Excerpted from the book from “Tuesdays in Jail: What I Learned Teaching Journaling to Inmates”. Copyright \u00a92022 by Tina Welling. Printed with permission from New World Library<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

Get your own copy here.<\/a> (This is an affiliate link to my Bookshop, which supports independent bookstores throughout the United States. If you use this link to purchase the book, I will make a small commission at no additional cost to you.)<\/p>\n

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