Category: Reviews

(normal text is Rebecca, italicized text is Lama Willa Miller)

Well here we are Buddhism fans, week seven of my “Everyday Dharma” challenge. This is the final week which covers self-discipline, enthusiasm, and wisdom. So far each week has still been manageable with regards to time you need to devote to it. Writing everything up takes much longer than actually doing any of the exercises from the book. I’m still struggling with the meditation. I’ll be curious to see if I keep trying to do it after I complete this week. Let’s dive in, shall we?

Day one discussed self-discipline, a thing I sorely lack. However, the self-discipline that Lama Willa talks about isn’t making sure you clean the bathroom or take out the garbage every week. This is spiritual self-discipline, which oddly I find less intimidating. Self-discipline with regards to “Everyday Dharma” is “the art of living life within spiritual boundaries.” The boundaries Lama Willa discusses are the Buddha’s ten moral imperatives: practice nonviolence, respect property, be sexually responsible, be honest and direct, speak with kindness, make peace, speak meaningfully, be loving and forgiving in spirit, be generous of heart, keep your perspective in line with truth. When you give any of these any thought, you realize that they’re much harder than they appear at first glance. However, still easier than me cleaning the apartment weekly! The exercise was to pick three moral imperatives to observe the rest of the week. These can be Buddha’s or of your own design. I picked be honest and direct, be loving and forgiving in spirit, be generous of heart. They seem simple enough on paper, much more challenging to do.

Good choices. Moral imperatives are rich ways of working with our daily habits of body and mind. The purpose of working with moral imperatives is not about trying to be perfect, but about developing mindfulness. Mindfulness is a simply a state of paying attention. When we carry around a moral imperative, we begin to become more mindful of our actions, our speech and our internal attitudes. So, for example, Rebecca is working with being more honest and direct. When we carry a vow like that around, we begin to think about our speech. We start to pay attention to the subtleties of what we say, and our reflex habits of responding in conversation. For example, when someone asks me, “How’s it going?”, I may answer “fine” just out of habit, even though I am feeling lousy. By doing this, it may seem as if I am saving the other person the burden of my troubles. But what if I really told him or her that I am having a hard day? It might open up a whole different direction in our conversation. It might help us connect in a more real and straightforward way. Because it feels hard, we don’t always try this kind of openness. But if we don’t try it, we don’t discover what will happen. Honesty is not always easy. But it a deep practice to try to live with honesty. It builds self-discipline internally, and it makes you a more trustworthy friend.

Day two dealt with enthusiasm and how battling laziness and complacency are key to a spiritual practice. The exercise for the day was working with discouragement. You say what you’re discouraged about, then the reasons you’re falling short, and finally you reevaluate these reasons. I will readily admit to being discouraged, unfortunately I find I can’t sum it up as a simple statement of thing. I suspect that many people would agree with me that sometimes things aren’t so easy to define.

This is a good point and I’m glad you brought it up, Rebecca. This can go on the list for things to explore more here if there is ever a second edition! Actually, if there is ever another edition, it will probably not resemble the first one all that much. It is interesting that once you write something, you discover that there is another, completely different book inside you.

Back to discouragement. There’s a certain kind of sluggishness that goes along with discouragement. Perhaps that is why the Buddha classified it as a type of laziness. When we are feeling discouraged, we just feel frozen. It is easy to complain about the external conditions. These conditions are making us feel discouraged. Or our we take the problem on ourselves: We feel inadequate, and that makes us feel discouraged.

But, there is a usefulness to discouragement. We can look at discouragement as a kind of internal constellation in which we temporarily forget the powerful potential of our own will. When we forget our will, it seems as if we cannot change conditions. But if we use the experience of discouragement as a way of remembering, it becomes like a spur. Just by noticing we are feeling discouraged, we take the first step. From noticing comes remembering. What we remember is that we possess will. When we remember the power of will, discouragement spurs us to reconfigure our priorities, think creatively and take action. If we see can see a part of discouragement that spurs, it helps us reclaim our power from external conditions. With that reclaimed power, we can come up with solutions and alternatives, and find a reserve to keep going in the face of difficulties.

Day three was about the important qualities of curiosity, carefulness, and concentration, and how they support enthusiasm. Although Lama Willa discusses these three things, it is concentration that the day was really about. Meditation requires concentration, a thing that I lack. My mind does not like to quiet down and often it feels as if it fights me the whole way. The exercise was practicing meditation while gazing at an object. I have found that meditating with my eyes open has helped prior to now. Adding an object does not make it any easier or harder.

Generally, Tibetan forms of instruction recommend meditation with eyes open. At first, this can seem distracting to some individuals. But after awhile, the mind learns to settle down with a visual field. Open eyes let in light, leaving the mind brighter and more alert. Because you are more alert, dullness does not sneak as easily into your meditation. In addition, the open-eyed gaze mirrors our ordinary, waking experience, so meditation is more easily integrated into life off the cushion. Open eyes lead to open.

Day four was the first of three days dealing with wisdom. “Wisdom,” Lama Willa explains, “in Buddhism, does not refer only to kitchen-table wisdom. It refers to that part of our mind that knows truth – not partial truths, but the whole truth.” It’s difficult to sum up the whole of what she was talking about, but I’ll give it a try. Essentially truth can only be understood through the nondual wisdom in which the knower (you) and the known (truth) become one. You find this in losing yourself, being in the zone. The exercise was to perform a simple repetitive activity and try to become absorbed in it and become one with the activity. This is harder than it sounds!

This exercise is a practice of meditation in motion, or active meditation. Ironically, active meditation is best accomplished when you just let go completely into what you are doing. That means not even trying to be absorbed in your activity. As long as we are trying to be absorbed, that state will avoid us. But you have to start somewhere, so you begin by trying to become absorbed. Eventually, you need to let the activity “do” you.

Day five discussed wisdom as being innate. That’s right folks, right now you are wise. Not a wise ass. Lama Willa explains, “Innate wisdom is more than an idea; it exists within and of you. It is too intimate to be known with mind, because it is the mind, in its quintessential sense. Wisdom is awareness, the bare, naked, aware, conscious nature of mind.” Therefore your wisdom is your awareness. The exercise for the day was to meditate on your essence, your awareness. As per usual, I struggled with my chattering mind. I must be hyper aware! Look at all the nonsense in my head!

You have showed perseverance these past several weeks! Meditation is not even about making thought go away, but about discovering a new relationship to thought. Contrary to how it may seem, mental chattering is a normal and natural experience when you begin meditation. At first, it seems as if the clattering will simply not slow down, and it seems as if it is preventing us from meditating. But if we persist in practice, two extraordinary things happen. I say “extraordinary” because these things really change us on a deep level.

First, over time and with practice, we get more skilled in relaxation. As we learn to relax physically more deeply when we sit down to meditate, our mind begins to relax and let go. As our mind relaxes, our mind’s chatter settles out. It becomes more like a flow, rather than incessant agitation. Still, it does not go away.

Which brings us to the second thing that happens. Thought does not go away, but as we develop a regular practice, we gradually discover that thought and meditation can peacefully co-exist. The mind can be focusing on something—like your breathing for example—and still experience thought, without getting hooked by thought. Even though thought occurs, it does not disturb the focus necessarily. The only thing that becomes disturbing is when we get “caught” by a thought and follow after it. What we discover here is that focus, and the mental tranquility that comes from focusing, can co-exist with thought. In short, it is possible find a reservoir of peacefulness under the waves of the chattering mind and learn to rest there. It seems hard to believe that this could happen when you first start to meditate. That is why persistence is critical.

Day six examined the three qualities of awareness: luminosity (In this case, “it does not mean that awareness is glowing with some kind of physical light. Awareness is simply and naturally a light unto itself. While experiences change, the light-unto-itself quality of the mind does not.), emptiness (“To say that awareness has the quality of emptiness means that, while awareness is luminous, it is not a thing. It has no inherent identity.), and unimpededness (To say awareness is unimpeded means that awareness is without limits or without an edge). The thing that Lama Willa stresses is that awareness is all of these things at the same time. So if what you’re experiencing in your awareness has all three qualities, then you know you’re onto something. The exercise for the day was again meditation looking for these qualities. As you probably expect by now, it did not go so well for me. It did help to have something I’m supposed to think about, but that focus didn’t last.

Keep it up. It takes time for meditation practice to unfold. I hope that in these seven weeks, you have “tasted” your inner Buddha!

Day seven was processing the journey. This day was about reflecting on the past seven weeks. The exercise was essentially to examine what you’ve done, what practices you will continue, what goals to set, etc. Let’s talk about this next week with my big ol’ summary/book review type article, okay? It’s agreed then, see you all next week.

Congratulations Rebecca on completing the course! It has been a wonderful and educational journey for me to be witness to your responses, your persistent practice and your enthusiasm!

About Lama Willa:
Lama Willa Miller is a meditation teacher in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. She has studied and practiced meditation for the last twenty years, training with Venerable Kalu Rinpoche, Venerable Dilgo Khentse Rinpoche, Lama Norlha Rinpoche, Khenpo Tsultrim Gyatso Rinpoche, Bokar Rinpoche, and other teachers.

She completed two seminary trainings [three-year retreats] at Kagyu Thubten Choling in upstate New York, becoming authorized as a lama, a Buddhist minister, upon completion of her training. Before and after her retreats, she spent time in Nepal, Tibet, and India, studying Buddhism and engaging in service work.

She currently lives in Arlington, MA with her husband and two dogs, where she writes, teaches Tibetan Buddhist practice and meditation, principally with Natural Dharma Fellowship. She is also working towards a PhD at Harvard University.

Lama Willa is author of the book “Everyday Dharma: Seven Weeks to Finding the Buddha in You” (2009, Quest Books), a practical guide for getting started on the spiritual path. Visit her website here.

To follow Lama Willa on Twitter, go to http://twitter.com/lamawilla.

On Facebook? Join the Everyday Dharma Facebook group

(normal text is Rebecca, italicized text is Lama Willa Miller)

It’s that time again! The “Everyday Dharma” challenge is back! This is where I’m sharing my progress of going through the book “Everyday Dharma: Seven Weeks to Finding the Buddha in You” by Lama Willa Miller. Week six was about growing your assets. Padmasambhava, who brought Buddhism to Tibet, developed a list of seven assets that are mastered on the path to awakening. These are trust, contentment, conscience, integrity, self-discipline, enthusiasm, and wisdom. I had the sneaking suspicion that this would not be any easy week!

Day one discussed trust because as Lama Willa says, “Trust is important for the spiritual path in that it is like a key. It opens the mind to possibility for growth and evolution.” There was a focus on trying to have a more open and flexible mind like a child’s. The exercise for the day was to enter into the state of mind that you had as a young child. Now I can get in touch with what I call “my inner 13 year-old” pretty easily, however rolling back to a true childlike state of trust is a bit more challenging. I can feel it in fleeting moments.

At some level, though it might be a deep level, we remember when the world was new to us. There was a time, as children, when we woke up to a world when we did things for the first time: we touched snow for the first time, or went on our first merry-go-round. As time goes on, however, we start to think we have experienced things before, that the world’s newness and novelty has worn off. From the point of view of our day to day experience, this might seem to be true. But it is worth pausing a moment and examining this. This is a perspective that relies on our memories of what we experienced before, but not so much on what we are experiencing now. When we look at things from the point of view of what we are experiencing now, however, we find a new way of being. From the point of view of this moment, things are fresh. We have never experienced this moment before. This moment is fresh, new, alive and completely unique. This very configuration of sounds and sights and feelings is fresh. This moment of touching snow, for example, is like touching it for the first time. Tibetan Buddhist teachings have a word for this. The word is “soma”, which means fresh and new. When we experience the world through the lens of “soma”, nothing is boring or old. The deeper truth is that the world is still new to us. When we get in touch with the wide-eyed openness we had as a child, we are actually more in touch with truth.

Day two was about how to trust wisely. This was about people and things are provisionally trustworthy and ultimately trustworthy. Anyone or thing that helps you on your spiritual path is trustworthy, however due to the impermanent and fluid nature of everything, these are only provisionally trustworthy. However wisdom-nature, yours and others, are ultimately trustworthy because wisdom-nature never departs. Lama Willa also explains the three developmental stages of trust that the Buddha taught: intuition, confidence, and certainty. The exercise for the day was to consider the things you can trust provisionally and ultimately in your own life.

I think it is important for us, as human beings to find a place of refuge in our lives. We need to feel safe and secure to flourish, to live up to our full potential. Unfortunately, we often take refuge in the wrong things, giving our heart and soul away to something unreliable and ephemeral, such as an addiction, money or an individual. Wise trust is an attitude the recognizes that our deepest place of trust is not in the ephemeral and changing world or in any one individual, but in our internal, unchanging wisdom-nature, or Buddha-nature. This is place of refuge that is deep and reliable, even when the world is going to pieces around us.

Because other people also have this wisdom-nature, we have good reason to trust them. But we also need to be wise about that trust, and not invest our heart and soul blindly. Confident relationships are based on a realistic point of view that takes things slowly. We have to know what and who we are trusting, even while looking beneath the surface to recognize their deeper nature, the one that mirrors our own.

Day three examined contentment. Lama Willa explains that “contentment in Tibetan is chok shepa, literally ‘knowing enough’. It means being satisfied with whatever you have, knowing that you do not need that new car, that big house, that person to make yourself content. Spiritual contentment implies being carefree, unattached, and unencumbered.” To achieve this Lama Willa discusses the practice called “equal taste”, which is working to realize that although suffering and happiness appear different; their core is a single taste, a single essence that transcends difference. The exercise for the day was to examine times when you’re happy or sad and look beyond the feeling to the core of the experiencer. This one really stumped me. I mean, I suppose when I’m happy I’m me, and when I’m sad I’m still me. So I am the same person regardless of the emotion I’m experiencing. However, I find happy and sad to be too far apart from each other to find an “equal taste”.

Don’t give up! Keep probing the question. When you are happy, try turning your mind inwards and asking “who is experiencing this state of happiness?” In other words, try to “see” the experiencer directly. When you are in a sad mood, try the same thing. You cannot think your way to an answer here. This is an intuitive exercise, not an analytical one. You actually have to try to catch the “I” that is experiencing pleasure or pain directly in the moment by looking inwards. The point is not to see the relative, constructed self [that person who is made up of our name, our age, our identity] but instead to see the experiencer of the emotion of happiness or the emotion of suffering right in the raw moment. We are not looking at the emotion, but looking at the experiencer of the emotion, so it does not matter how far apart the states of emotion are. The experiencer is still there. It is this mysterious “I” that we are looking at.

Day four was about appreciation helping cut through discontent. When you are discontented Lama Willa offers two methods to help. The first method is the path of analysis. Instead of obsessing over what you are not content with, ask yourself if you can do anything to change the situation for the better. If the answer is yes, there is no point in obsessing about it. If the answer is no, there is no point in obsessing about it because there is nothing you can do to change the situation. The second method is to interrupt your inner dialogue and think about the things you may normally overlook, but cherish in your life. Lama Willa says, “If you have to obsess, appreciate obsessively.” The exercise for the day was to consider the things you appreciate and think about what your life would be like without these things. This will help fill you with appreciation. From my experience, it works. Although I’m a worrier by nature, so it’s sometimes tough to derail my mind.

There is so much in every person’s life to be grateful for. Tangible things like food and clothing, and intangible things such as little daily interactions and coming home to our family. I was recently reading an article by some psychologists on gratitude. These researchers have found evidence that people who are grateful for their life, their friends and their family tend to also be (measureably!) happier and healthier.

Day five dealt with your conscience. According to Lama Willa, “Conscience, as a spiritual asset, is a moral radar that intuits right and wrong. Since a spiritual journey is focused on serving humanity, intuiting right and wrong comes down to intuiting help and harm.” Essentially we’re here to help and serve our fellow man; if we can’t help we should at least focus on not causing harm. We should endeavor to develop a spiritual gentleness. The exercise for the day is to identify your hard social edges, the mental, verbal, and physical patterns that put a wall between yourself and others. You’re then supposed to envision yourself softening and imagining an encounter where you let go of that habit. This is actually very complex for me. I suspect that my sarcasm could be said is something that creates hard edges and potentially builds walls, however, I think that most people who know me would argue that this is not the case. I certainly don’t think I use sarcasm in that way.

I think of a sense of humor as being a generally flexible and intuitive quality. But I suppose, as in the case of sarcasm and satire, it might be “edgy” as well. For the most part, we can rely on our internal feelings for this exercise. In Day 5, we pay attention to those moments when we feel rigid and tight inside. When we feel rigid and tight, that is sometimes an indicator of something in us that is blocked and not flowing easily. At these moments, our “hard edges” reveal themselves to us. When we act and speak at those moments, we sometimes inadvertently shut people out or shut them down. I notice this kind of rigid energy in myself sometimes when I feel anticipatory, such as before speaking in front of a group. Or when we are challenged by a situation or person, this rigid resistance comes up in the mind. The practice of “softening”, as taught by Atisha, is helpful to dissolve our rigid ways of acting, speaking and thinking. In this exercise we change our energy from rigid and fearful to receptive, compassionate and responsive. It takes self-awareness cultivated on a daily basis to begin to identify the rigid mind creeping up, and to replace it with a softer more spacious mind-frame.

Day six was about your spiritual integrity. “Spiritual integrity is the quality of being that prioritizes the transference of dreams into reality, the quality of being that does not settle for less than becoming transparent, honest, and whole now, or at least in the near future,” writes Lama Willa. She doesn’t tell you to radically overhaul your life all at once, but instead to make small changes and take small risks to help you live your life in harmony with the intentions and aspirations that you value most. The exercise was to reflect on if your life reflects the values that you hold most dearly. You’re then to decide on one small risk you’re willing to take this week to help bring your life more in line with your aspirations and intentions. I’ll be honest with all of you, I couldn’t figure out a small risk to take. I don’t feel like I’m living my life absolutely fully to my ideals, but apparently I’m close enough that I can’t think of anything small to try right now.

For me, the small risks sometimes come not in the form of doing, but rather of undoing. Many of us (especially those of us with a “yes” that leaps out of our mouths, seemingly with a mind of its own) can have a tendency to take on too much. It can feel risky to let go of that extra something that is taking our energy and focus away the core commitments of our life. For that kind of person, taking small risks can be just saying “no” sometimes, cutting down on the quantity of our activities, and focusing more on doing some deeply meaningful and fulfilling activities well, rather than many things poorly.

Day seven explored self-inquiry. Lama Willa states that “asking the question (who am I?) is an essential Buddhist practice because, no matter how good we are at philosophical speculation, we all live, breathe, act, speak, and function as if we believed in the existence of a self. That would not be so terrible, except that clinging to the notion of self causes our greatest sufferings and is the single biggest hindrance to developing universal love. It is the barrier that keeps us from recognizing out interdependence with the rest of humanity.” Repeatedly asking yourself, who am I, while in meditation is one of the best ways loosen your habit of grasping at your character traits, body and thoughts as if they were a solid self. You see your selflessness. The exercise for the day was to meditate and then abruptly ask yourself who is meditating. I must just not be there yet, because this did nothing but make me feel self-conscious and awkward. Maybe with time….

Yes, this takes time. Sometimes following along with a guided meditation makes the meditation of self-inquiry easier. Here’s a link to this meditation [and others from the book] on is iTunes!

This week has certainly given me a lot to reflect on! Stay tuned for the last week!

See you next week, Rebecca!

About Lama Willa:
Lama Willa Miller is a meditation teacher in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. She has studied and practiced meditation for the last twenty years, training with Venerable Kalu Rinpoche, Venerable Dilgo Khentse Rinpoche, Lama Norlha Rinpoche, Khenpo Tsultrim Gyatso Rinpoche, Bokar Rinpoche, and other teachers.

She completed two seminary trainings [three-year retreats] at Kagyu Thubten Choling in upstate New York, becoming authorized as a lama, a Buddhist minister, upon completion of her training. Before and after her retreats, she spent time in Nepal, Tibet, and India, studying Buddhism and engaging in service work.

She currently lives in Arlington, MA with her husband and two dogs, where she writes, teaches Tibetan Buddhist practice and meditation, principally with Natural Dharma Fellowship. She is also working towards a PhD at Harvard University.

Lama Willa is author of the book “Everyday Dharma: Seven Weeks to Finding the Buddha in You” (2009, Quest Books), a practical guide for getting started on the spiritual path. Visit her website here.

To follow Lama Willa on Twitter, go to http://twitter.com/lamawilla.

On Facebook? Join the Everyday Dharma Facebook group.

(normal text is Rebecca, italicized text is Lama Willa Miller)

Hello again friends! Here we are at week five of my “Everyday Dharma” challenge. Only weeks away from finding my inner Buddha! Consider yourself warned! If you have no clue what I’m talking about, go back to the introduction.

Day one was “Begin with Action”. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by goals, or putting things on hold until you get your act together, Lama Willa encourages you to take action immediately. Every day you can take small actions that help you take a small step towards putting your aspirations and intentions into action. The exercise for the day was to take a moment a few times a day to check in with your actions and consider what kind of future you’re creating with them. What kind of karma you’re creating. I tried this and at first thought how pointless most of my actions during the average day feel. However, with a little more thought I realized that almost every action, regardless of how mundane, does in fact touch people’s lives. Doing the dishes let’s my husband get more rest while he’s sick. Doing my paperwork at the office promptly and accurately allows others to do their jobs better. Even spending time reading an online blog matters, it encourages the people who create it to continue with their endeavor. There are truly thousands of times a day that my seemingly mundane actions help and encourage others.

That’s true. What we do always matters. Lately, I have been thinking about another angle on this, inspired by an ancient Mahayana Buddhist practice. In this practice, you make daily actions into prayer. We usually dismiss our small, everyday activities as insignificant. But it does not have to be this way. We can make every action count. When we eat, we can think “May this food satisfy all hungry beings”. When we sing, “May this melody bring harmony to the hearts of all beings.” When we drive, “May all beings travel the road to enlightenment.” When we watch a movie, “May all beings experience the joy of losing the self.” The possibilities here are endless. This is a way to join our actions with our aspiration to be of service to the wider world. This is a way to bring every little moment onto the path to awakening. An action done with neutrality is a ‘sleeping action’ and an action done with intention and mindfulness is an ‘awake action’. There’s a big difference. Awake actions help make our life more full and meaningful. They make our life into prayer.

Day two discussed becoming “other-centered”. Many people, and I definitely include myself here, are focused on their selves. What do I want? What do I need? This day Lama Willa explains the importance of shifting our perspective to focus on others, and their needs and desires. To put yourself in another person’s place. The exercise for the day is the next time you get irritated by someone else’s actions ask yourself “How does the person with whom I am now irritated experience this moment?” People, as I love to say, are people. How do they experience the moment? They think I’m an obnoxious irritating person, much the way I feel about them at that moment. Humans are fantastic creatures that way.

Thinking about how other people experience the moment is a wonderful exercise in getting outside of ourselves. When we are wrapped up in ourselves, we miss so much, and we give into our own reactivity. If we care only about our own perspective, for example, we think irritation is justified. But in truth, irritation is just a reactive habit. Irritation tells us much more about ourselves than it does about the other person! We can either go along as we have, reacting, becoming irritated, and being unhappy, or we can begin to shake ourselves out of the narrow focus on ‘me’ and ‘my wants’ to ‘the other’ and ‘her/his wants’. It is much more interesting to think about the perspective of the other, and more liberating. But because we have not trained much in the past to do this, we need to make considerable effort in that direction. Shifting the center from self to other takes effort, especially in the beginning.

Day three dealt with generosity and sacrifice. Lama Willa explains that “in the Buddhist context, generosity – the attitude and actions of giving – is the very first quality a seeker on the path works to perfect.” She says that “sacrifice implies both exchange and purpose,” and stresses the importance of making an empathetic sacrifice as opposed to an ambivalent one. I’ll admit, all this talk about sacrifice had me a little concerned about what the exercise for the day would be. Turns out it was a simple exercise that Lama Willa calls the “smiling experiment”. You make a conscious effort to smile at the people you interact with and cross paths with while making an inner wish for their well-being. I found it surprising how often even when I smiled I wasn’t giving it my full attention. Smiling is harder than you would suspect!

It has been shown in psychological studies that the act of smiling at someone makes us happier. Therefore, we don’t always have to wait until we are happy to smile!

Day four discussed the many ways to give. Yup, more giving, are we all seeing a trend here? Lama Willa explains the different ways you can give: material giving (I suspect we can all figure that one out), giving protection (Relax, she’s not asking you to become a vigilante. Protection, in this context, is helping someone feel safe or helping them become safe. Not necessarily running around looking for a gun man to get in front of.), giving ease and comfort (You know, like giving a friend a hug when they need it.), and offering encouragement (Which again, I assume we can all figure that one out.) The exercise for the day was offering encouragement to someone striving to accomplish something. I’m actually not too shabby at this one.

You got it. Giving—or I am also calling it magnanimity here– is the theme of this chapter. On the bodhisattva path, generosity is the very first and most basic step to enlightenment. Why is that? It has something to do with the power of generosity to remedy desire and grasping. Why do we care about getting rid of alleviating grasping? For one, grasping interferes with our experience of natural ease. We are predisposed to want what we don’t have. It is probably somewhat instinctual. But it is also the root of our suffering in so many ways. The more we grasp after something, the more it seems to slip through our fingers. We are left only with an uncomfortable feeling of neediness. Our biggest mistake is that we think this feeling of neediness comes about because we didn’t get the thing we wanted. This is a conventional perspective, but it is not a true perspective. The truth is our neediness predates the ‘not getting’. We are predisposed to feel as if we don’t have enough. That is why people who have everything material they could wish for are often not happy. Until we loosen the grip that neediness has on our minds, we cannot become truly at ease. This brings us to the second way that desire and grasping gets in our way on the spiritual path: it keeps us from developing true empathy. If we are not at ease because we are feeling needy, we stay rooted in place of self-centeredness. When we are self-centered, it is difficult for us to imaginatively place ourselves in another’s shoes, the root of empathy.

So methods that shake us out of the grasping mind put us in a state of relaxation. They are powerful methods that have repercussions in our immediate environment. Generosity is one of those methods. It naturally remedies our mental habit of grasping. Just by giving of our selves—our time, our resources, our attention– we undermine this deep-rooted belief that we somehow do not have enough, and suddenly we feel more at ease. What a paradox that by giving, we feel wealthier and happier!

Day five was about paying attention. Lama Willa says that “the act of being attentive is a form of ‘paying’ our presence forward. When we are simply and directly attentive to another person – to their interests, their needs, their dreams, or merely to their presence – we offer them something lasting and deeply significant.” She highlights more ways to give: sharing knowledge, helping the sick, repaying kindness, offering assistance, listening, and giving victory to others. The exercise for the day was to consider all the ways of giving that have been covered these past few days and decide on your target mode of giving. It should be one you think will be difficult for you. Then look for the opportunity to try it out. I’m guessing helping the sick or giving victory to others would be the hardest for me, however I haven’t had the opportunity to try it out.

Giving victory to others is on my list too. I have always found giving victory to others to be a most challenging—and subtle— practice. It is so counter-intuitive. I remember when I first started to try this as practice, it was big surprise that it was so helpful, psychologically and emotionally speaking. We grow up believing that we should not give victory to others. Rather, it is much better to come out on top. We take this belief right into our subtlest ways of interacting, speaking and thinking. This brings us a lot of invisible trouble and suffering. If we always want to come out on top, where does that leave other people? The more you examine your subtle attitudes about being on top and winning, the more you notice that you unconsciously—or perhaps sometimes consciously– put others down, simply out of a habit of wanting to be smarter, wiser or ‘better’ than they are. In order to give victory to others, you have to reverse this attitude and wish them to come out on top. When you really practice this, it is remarkable. Conflicts are easily resolved, and people begin to really trust you, because you are no longer always rooting for yourself: you are rooting for others. But it requires a brutal sense of self-honesty to make this practice really work for you. You have to be willing to go into the shadows.

Day six talked about trying to “move from haphazard giving to conscious and purposeful giving” by following the Five Steps of Giving. One, look for a need or an opportunity. Two, Plan. Three, Give. Four, do not expect thanks. Five, rejoice and dedicate (Dedicate here means to “mentally dedicate your action of giving to the fulfillment of your spiritual journey.).” You guessed it; the exercise for the day is to follow the Five Steps of Giving. I can’t claim I found momentous needs to help fill, but I did try to think about the work I did at the office. To remember how everything I do makes all the other employees’ lives easier. I’ve been enjoying my job much more since starting this book.

Yay! This is gratifying to read. The signs of success in spiritual practice are not necessarily dramatic and soaring moments of benevolence or wisdom. The deep signs are in everyday moments: real awakening unfolds as our everyday experience becomes more meaningful and we become more grounded in love and wisdom.

Day seven discussed spiritual sacrifice. It’s about building compassion through the “Contemplation on Giving and Receiving”. And yes you clever readers, the exercise for the day was the “Contemplation on Giving and Receiving”. You start with The Three Arrivals, then say your Awakening Prayer, relax and breathe. You then visualize someone you know who is currently suffering from illness, mental anguish, or other difficulties. Consider what it must be like to be that person and develop the heartfelt wish to relieve this person of suffering. Engage in pulling in pain as your breathe in and sending out love when you breathe out for at least ten breaths. Here’s the deal folks, anytime I need to speak out loud it ruins it for me. What should be a contemplative endeavor becomes awkward when I’m supposed to recite things out loud. Same thing happens with I attempt magical practices. If I talk out loud, I immediately feel stupid. This exercise became much more effective when I quit saying my Awakening Prayer out loud. The universe can hear my thoughts, right?

I’m glad you have adapted this practice to make it work for you! Yes, silent prayers are heard. I’m glad you brought this up. This goes for all the practices in this book: adaptation and flexibility is a virtue.

And with that, it’s onto week six! Almost there! See you next week!

About Lama Willa:
Lama Willa Miller is a meditation teacher in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. She has studied and practiced meditation for the last twenty years, training with Venerable Kalu Rinpoche, Venerable Dilgo Khentse Rinpoche, Lama Norlha Rinpoche, Khenpo Tsultrim Gyatso Rinpoche, Bokar Rinpoche, and other teachers.

She completed two seminary trainings [three-year retreats] at Kagyu Thubten Choling in upstate New York, becoming authorized as a lama, a Buddhist minister, upon completion of her training. Before and after her retreats, she spent time in Nepal, Tibet, and India, studying Buddhism and engaging in service work.

She currently lives in Arlington, MA with her husband and two dogs, where she writes, teaches Tibetan Buddhist practice and meditation, principally with Natural Dharma Fellowship. She is also working towards a PhD at Harvard University.

Lama Willa is author of the book “Everyday Dharma: Seven Weeks to Finding the Buddha in You” (2009, Quest Books), a practical guide for getting started on the spiritual path. Visit her website here.

To follow Lama Willa on Twitter, go to http://twitter.com/lamawilla.

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