Me Gusta Goya Malta

When I know in advance that there is a restaurant I’ll be going out to eat at, I generally look to see if they have a website with a menu. This is a good way for me to see if there is something that looks tasty that is low in calories and fat (Thank you restaurants that provide nutritional information!), or if it’s hopeless and I should just order whatever the heck I want. Well a while back, in anticipation of trying mofongo (which fell through), I was looking at an online menu for a Caribbean restaurant. Listed amongst their beverages was Goya Malta.

I’m never shy to admit to myself, or anyone else, that I certainly do not know everything about food and drink, and Goya Malta was a thing I had never encountered. Undaunted, I Googled it.

Of course there was an entry on Wikipedia all about it. It turns out that Goya is the brand name and that Malta is the beverage itself. According to the Wiki folks, “Malta is a type of soft drink. It is a carbonated malt beverage, meaning it is brewed from barley, hops, and water much like beer; corn and caramel color may also be added. However, malta is non-alcoholic. It is similar in color to stout (dark brown) but is very sweet, generally described as tasting like molasses. Unlike beer, ice is often added to malta when consumed. A popular way Latin Americans sometimes drink malta is by mixing it with condensed or evaporated milk.”

This sounded intriguing, and so when my plans to go to the Caribbean restaurant fell through, and I happened upon a six pack of Goya Matla in the horribly named “ethnic” food section of my grocery store, I decided the time to try it was now.

Never having tried it before, I took a few sips of it chilled straight out of the bottle. To be perfectly honest, it has a horrible aroma. I accidentally inhaled a nose full of it, which made my first few sips pretty weird. I then decided to pour it over ice. This time I was careful of my inhales and took a sip. Delicious! It’s a truly hard flavor to describe. It tastes like molasses, like a very strong, yet spiced root beer, and occasionally I thought it had a hint of coffee flavor about it. Soon I didn’t even notice the aroma. I could see why it’s frequently served with condensed milk, since I spent the rest of the glass thinking that Goya Malta would make an awesome beverage for an ice cream float.

So, I tried an odd soda, what’s with a whole blog post about it? Well, when trying to decide if I should share with everyone my Goya Malta adventure (Dude, I’m a boring person. Goya Malta IS an adventure for me.) I did another internet search about the beverage. What I found was a whole lot of passion for one little bottle of nonalcoholic beer. proclaims Goya Malta to be “The most disgusting substance imaginable.” One angry individual felt so violated at how nasty he found Goya Malta, that he (or she) set up a website for people to share their personal stories of disgust about the drink. Then the Goya Malta fear hit a whole new level. “Can drinking warm malta goya and alka seltzer cause an abortion?” asks on_punishment_4_lyfe on Yahoo Answers. Holy cow, okay, my husband found it nasty tasting and refused to take a second sip, but abortion inducing?! And just when I thought this was an isolated incident, I find someone on asking “Does drinking a hot Malta Goya kill the baby?” Holy cow, this definitely tops soda and pop rocks for sheer spooky bizarreness. It was then that I realized yes, I should tell the world:

I drank Goya Malta. I liked it. I suffered no ill effects (other than the increased calorie intake).

Normally I don’t show up in photos here on the website because I don’t feel I photograph well, but I feel so strongly about proving my point that I like Goya Malta and it didn’t kill me, or upset my stomach or anything, that I give you this compelling photographic evidence.

Me gusta Goya Malta.