Stiletto Heels, Playmates, and Murder

I just want to preface this ENTIRE article with the bold, and I’m sure controversial, statement that I think murder is wrong. I in no way endorse the murder of a human being no matter how incredibly awesome the story around it may or may not be. Murder=Bad Now with that out of the way, let’s lower the level of discourse on The Magical Buffet as I discuss sexy murderous scenarios, okay?

At the beginning of August I stumbled across an article from The Daily Mail titled “Death by stiletto: Woman ‘kills her boyfriend with spiked heel to the head'”. This conjured up all kinds of sexy scenarios. For those of you unfamiliar, this is what a pair of stiletto heels looks like:

Sexy, right?

Come on, it’s right out of some sort of suspense thriller. I could see it all in my mind. The woman, wearing her strapless formal dress, gets into a fight with her lover after some event. In her rage she throws off her jewelry and kicks off her shoes. When her tuxedo clad lover ups the ante, she picks up one of those stiletto heels and attacks him with it. To her shock and satisfaction, it kills him.

I wasn’t too far off. The article states, ” A woman allegedly beat her boyfriend to death with the spiked heel of a stiletto shoe. Thelma Carter, 46, struck her live-in boyfriend Robert Higdon, 58, with the shoe at their trailer park home in Augusta, Georgia, police said. Authorities are unsure how many times Mr. Higdon was hit with the shoe before he died.” But wait, trailer park home? And the sexy killer who allegedly bludgeoned her boyfriend looks like this:

Not so sexy, right?

This my friends, struck me as an outrage.

My mind immediately went back to a news story that was my guilty pleasure to follow. “1968 Playboy Playmate of the Year Angela Dorian has been charged with attempted murder — after she allegedly shot her boyfriend from close range in their Hollywood apartment Saturday night … TMZ has learned.”

Now this allegedly murderous woman’s story kicks ass, and here’s why.

First, I don’t know what she looks like now, but she has got to have the stiletto killer beat in the looks department. The TMZ article referenced above points out that she’s 5’5″ and 110 pounds and nothing else. But let’s face it, she was a Playmate of the Year. She was so hot a nude photo of her, along with some other Playmates, was scanned and inserted into Apollo12 Extra-vehicular activity astronaut cuff checklists by pranksters at NASA.

Angela Dorian. Sexy, right?

Next reason this story kicks ass is the gun. The gun allegedly used was a Walther PPK .380. That’s right, just like James Bond. But wait! It gets better. It wasn’t just a Walther PPK .380, aka, the gun of choice for James Bond. It was a Walther PPK .380, aka, the gun of choice for James Bond, that was given to her 40 years ago by the film director Roman Polanski! I can’t make this stuff up! Check it out!

However the final thing about this story is the way she allegedly killed. The CBS Los Angeles website states, “‘Quickly she just aimed and fired at me,’ Bruce Rathgeb said, telling the judge that he felt burning and stinging on the left side of his body and smelled gunpowder.

He said that his wife then put a small plastic bag in his mouth, which he spit out, and that she walked back to their apartment.”

That’s right. She shot him and turned around and walked off. Damn right, I’m a bleepbleeped motherbleeping Playmate of the bleepin’ year and I WILL shoot you and I WILL leave your ass to bleed out in the hallway. At least that’s what I like to imagine went through her mind as she walked back into their apartment. I hate to think about her being sad, or in shock or panic. I’m going to Hell, aren’t I?

UPDATE: On September 7, 2011 TMZ reported, “1968 Playboy playmate of the year Angela Dorian has just been sentenced to 9 years behind bars for shooting her husband in the back in 2010.”