The Enlightened Woman’s Guide to Modern Love Myths

By Your 21st Century Relationship Psychic Angela Kaufman

Once upon a time, women were told that successful relationships were a matter of showing up, shutting up, and well you can guess the third criteria. Women were content to remain behind the scenes running the show and getting none of the credit (think Edith Bunker).

Things have changed-thankfully, and along the journey to empowerment, women have received mixed signals that keep the journey to relationship bliss feeling like a twisting turning maze-from-Hell.

Our cultural mythology is so steeped in distorted messages about relationships it is no wonder women are confused. In the process of researching prominent mythical heroines portrayed as empowered and successfully partnered I was alarmed to realize that no previous cultural archetype seems to exist. Artemis, the huntress and early animal rights activist, falls in love, only to be tricked into slaying her lover (take away, too much power can kill your love life). Isis, archetypal mother Goddess of ancient Egypt also falls in love with Osiris, a match made in Heaven it would seem. Unfortunately, her lover is slain by jealous Set, their brother. After his body is destroyed, Isis roams the Earth re-assembling his remains (take away, even if you do find happiness with your equal, beware the jealous haters … you will just end up cleaning up everyone else’s mess anyway).

As we enter a new millennium, will we now shift our perception of empowered women and partnerships to allow for the experience of relationships without self or other sacrifice? If this is the direction we collectively desire to go, there are a few modern myths that need to be put to rest.

The “All You Need to Do is Love Yourself” Myth

Can we give this one a break already? Of course, if you don’t love yourself your relationships will be a wreck, we got it. This message came across loud and clear around the time we realized that smoking causes cancer, real butter is bad for you and littering is bad.

In most cases, modern, enlightened women DO love themselves, but still get stuck in relationship ruts and attraction catastrophes. Loving yourself is great, but that is not all it takes to land a great relationship.
Simply put, you are only 1/3 of the relationship. The other 3rd is your partner, the other 3rd is the Spirit bond that brings and holds you together, the relationship energy. So love yourself, please, but don’t neglect the other 2/3 of your relationships!

The Soul Mate Martyrdom Myth

I believe in Soul Mates. I don’t believe Soul Mates are an excuse to remain in unhealthy relationships because the attraction is so powerful. If you are committing to a supremely destructive relationship because you feel the person is your Soul Mate it is time to re-evaluate what you believe a Soul Mate is. A Soul Mate does not have to be the person you are with for life. You may have a Soul Mate that is part of a platonic relationship. Your Soul Mate, or you, may be married to another person and that is fine. Soul Mates are not the epitome of every Valentine’s Day card come to life. Your Soul Mate brings powerful Karmic lessons, and some of them may not be pleasant. However you do not have to sacrifice yourself on the pyre of “Soul Mate-dom”. Your Soul Mate may be the person you divorce, the mentor, the boss, your child, or it may be the person who comes into your life as a catalyst, not as a lover.

The It’s All About Me Myth

Equally destructive as the martyrdom-for-the-sake-of-my-Soul-Mate myth is the It’s All About Me Myth. Unfortunately this myth has gained ground recently. We are taught that if a relationship becomes challenging, to simply give it up. If someone is holding you back, cut them out of your life. Partnership becoming inconvenient and messy? It’s all about you, so hit the road! Just as the Soul Mate Martyrdom represents one unhealthy extreme, the It’s All About Me Myth represents the other. There are appropriate times, and reasons to end or change relationships but many modern women believe that compromise of any kind is akin to the self-sacrifice pit we just finally managed to claw ourselves out of.

We need middle ground for any relationship to be successful. Don’t sacrifice your dreams, career and personality for a partner….but remember if you are really partners you do have to “join forces”. Don’t martyr yourself for a life of craziness because someone may be your Soul Mate….but don’t wield the ax too quickly when things become challenging either.

As an Intuitive Relationship Coach I help women who are successful at life but struggling in relationships, largely due to the beliefs in these and other pervasive relationship myths. I help women identify factors that disrupt and sabotage attraction and relationships, and by re-writing the love script, women are liberated to experience new and more enduring relationships. We are culturally developing a new understanding of partnership and relationships. If you have any doubt, check out our modern fairy tales from stories like “Wicked: Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West” (Gregory Maguire, HarperCollins Publishing 1995) or the more recent “Maleficent” (Disney, 2014). Such modern explorations of female power archetypes suggest a shifting in attitudes toward concepts like love, good, evil, commitment, partnership and power. This is a reflection of changing cultural values, but caught in the midst of this transition, many women aren’t sure which rules to follow. The old paradigm emphasizing sacrifice and obligation, or the new, emphasizing self-determinism and independence. Somewhere in between the extremes, we are creating a new relationship landscape, and it will take time and conscious awareness to fully come to understand what love and partnership is about in the 21st century.

For more information visit To receive your free series of recorded content to help you improve relationships today based on the archetypes of astrology, sign up for my free guide Astrology Guide to Love and Relationships. Discover the 12 ways to convey love, heal heartbreak and more! Visit today to sign up and receive the series.

Image: 2 of Cups from the Rider Waite Tarot. Rider Waite Tarot decks produced by U.S. Games Systems, Inc for more information visit

About Angela Kaufman:
Angela Kaufman believes that all women can find lasting loving relationships without sacrificing their dreams. She combines intuitive Psychic Readings with her background and training as a Clinical Social Worker to empower women in cultivating more satisfying and intuitive relationships. Her unique coaching program was recently featured on Tune In To Wellness Today with LisaMarie Tersigni. Angela enjoys empowering women and spreading awareness of intuitive living through workshops and events in the Capital District of NY. She is also an artist and co-author of several books on Wiccan Spirituality, along with Patricia Gardner and Dayna Winters (Wicca What’s the Real Deal? Schiffer 2011; Sacred Objects, Sacred Space, Schiffer 2012; The Esoteric Dream Book Schiffer 2013). For more information or to schedule a reading or learn more about Intuitive Relationship Coaching, visit