When I know in advance that there is a restaurant I’ll be going out to eat at, I generally look to see if they have a website with a menu. This is a good way for me to see if there is something that looks tasty that is low in calories and fat (Thank you restaurants that provide nutritional information!), or if it’s hopeless and I should just order whatever the heck I want. Well a while back, in anticipation of trying mofongo (which fell through), I was looking at an online menu for a Caribbean restaurant. Listed amongst their beverages was Goya Malta.

I’m never shy to admit to myself, or anyone else, that I certainly do not know everything about food and drink, and Goya Malta was a thing I had never encountered. Undaunted, I Googled it.

Of course there was an entry on Wikipedia all about it. It turns out that Goya is the brand name and that Malta is the beverage itself. According to the Wiki folks, “Malta is a type of soft drink. It is a carbonated malt beverage, meaning it is brewed from barley, hops, and water much like beer; corn and caramel color may also be added. However, malta is non-alcoholic. It is similar in color to stout (dark brown) but is very sweet, generally described as tasting like molasses. Unlike beer, ice is often added to malta when consumed. A popular way Latin Americans sometimes drink malta is by mixing it with condensed or evaporated milk.”

This sounded intriguing, and so when my plans to go to the Caribbean restaurant fell through, and I happened upon a six pack of Goya Matla in the horribly named “ethnic” food section of my grocery store, I decided the time to try it was now.

Never having tried it before, I took a few sips of it chilled straight out of the bottle. To be perfectly honest, it has a horrible aroma. I accidentally inhaled a nose full of it, which made my first few sips pretty weird. I then decided to pour it over ice. This time I was careful of my inhales and took a sip. Delicious! It’s a truly hard flavor to describe. It tastes like molasses, like a very strong, yet spiced root beer, and occasionally I thought it had a hint of coffee flavor about it. Soon I didn’t even notice the aroma. I could see why it’s frequently served with condensed milk, since I spent the rest of the glass thinking that Goya Malta would make an awesome beverage for an ice cream float.

So, I tried an odd soda, what’s with a whole blog post about it? Well, when trying to decide if I should share with everyone my Goya Malta adventure (Dude, I’m a boring person. Goya Malta IS an adventure for me.) I did another internet search about the beverage. What I found was a whole lot of passion for one little bottle of nonalcoholic beer.

UrbanDictionary.com proclaims Goya Malta to be “The most disgusting substance imaginable.” One angry individual felt so violated at how nasty he found Goya Malta, that he (or she) set up a website for people to share their personal stories of disgust about the drink. Then the Goya Malta fear hit a whole new level. “Can drinking warm malta goya and alka seltzer cause an abortion?” asks on_punishment_4_lyfe on Yahoo Answers. Holy cow, okay, my husband found it nasty tasting and refused to take a second sip, but abortion inducing?! And just when I thought this was an isolated incident, I find someone on WikiAnswers.com asking “Does drinking a hot Malta Goya kill the baby?” Holy cow, this definitely tops soda and pop rocks for sheer spooky bizarreness. It was then that I realized yes, I should tell the world:

I drank Goya Malta. I liked it. I suffered no ill effects (other than the increased calorie intake).

Normally I don’t show up in photos here on the website because I don’t feel I photograph well, but I feel so strongly about proving my point that I like Goya Malta and it didn’t kill me, or upset my stomach or anything, that I give you this compelling photographic evidence.













Me gusta Goya Malta.






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Comments

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 6th, 2009 at 3:16 pm and is filed under Food/Drink. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.


8 Comments so far

  1. Shira on August 6, 2009 4:34 pm

    Your Marxist Feminist Dialectic shirt somehow goes well with the Goya Malta.

  2. bob on August 12, 2009 5:00 pm

    GOY AMALTA..I THINK I USED TO RUN THROUGH TEH STREETS OF HAVANNA WITH HIM AND CHE….OR WAS IT FIDEL..I CAN NEVER REMEMBER ANY MORE……AH WELL

  3. Sheritta Thomas on October 23, 2010 12:43 pm

    It’s an old spanish remedy, and it does work if taken very early in the pregnancy as soon as you miss your menstrual cycle, if you drink hot malta alka seltzer and an additional ingredient which I won’t name because I do not encourage this, it can cause miscarriage- and this is far more common than you can imagine.

  4. Goya Malta on March 18, 2011 5:55 pm

    Goya Malta is so Delicious. Yummy

  5. Phil Johnson on May 12, 2011 8:09 pm

    Most people I know that have tried it can’t stand it. It definitely is an acquired taste. I drink it because it is cheap (30 cents a bottle) at the surplus grocery store. I am pretty sure I’m the only one who buys the stuff. It is much better chilled. Room temp Malta is so nasty that even at it’s low price my taste buds revolt and I really have to force myself to finish drinking it. The plus side to its’ funkyness is that I don’t have to worry about my room mate drinking it.

  6. jessica on June 23, 2011 6:10 pm

    My fiance introduced me to Maltas…and at first I was like OMG, that is gross, but after the initial taste, it was actually pretty good…We get it as a staple in our house hold…LOL, the only place we have been able to find it is in an asian grocery store…we are able to get it by the case there…all the other grocery stores in our area rarely carry it…I would deff encourge people to try it…and as to the whole abortion thing, I have not been able to find reliable proof, just people’s stories, nothing official…if it were dangerous there would be a warning…I’m pretty sure the USA is not going to put a beverage in grocery stores that is dangerous to pregnant women without a warning on it

  7. sophia on December 19, 2011 12:36 am

    I love maltas but prefer the “India” brand. I’m not sure they sell it outside of Puerto Rico though. My mom and I only buy the light/diet version. Just as good but less sweet. I like it super cold, but never with ice and have never mixed it with anything. I hadn’t even heard of adding milk.

    I *have* heard of warm malta and aspirin (or other pills, depending on who’s telling) to induce abortion. Someone I know used it. It was probably the pills, but it worked (very painfully and not without consequences I might add- you’d have to be really desperate to try this).
    I don’t believe in any destructive properties of malta on its own since my family and I have been drinking it all our lives, but if I ever got pregnant I would stay away just in case. You never know- old wives’ wisdom and whatnot. ;)

  8. M.B on January 15, 2014 2:29 pm

    i love goya malta and to make it more desirable, i add it to apple cider. half portion goya and half portion cold apple cider.
    there is no drink better than this. tery it and i bet you gonna love it.

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